remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize