my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
