Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
