get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
