you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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