sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We had sex on a dog bed..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
