The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
