I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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