apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
