so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
