he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
