I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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