we're chasing vodka with high fives
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
