he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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