So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
