I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
