If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
