i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
