Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
