420 ftw
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
