I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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