Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
