carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
