found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
