Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
