i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
