i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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