I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
