woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
