She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
