I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize