We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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