True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
