I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
