I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
