You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
