I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
