Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
