Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Randomize
