Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
