drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
