I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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