what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
