Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is classic penis vs brain.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
