Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
