Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
