hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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