You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
