exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
