what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize