operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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