i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
