So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
