Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
