remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
