Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
