i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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