grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
