I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
