Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
