i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
