It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
