It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
