it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I love you. Go after that dick
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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