he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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