she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
