I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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