Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize