then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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