Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
